I read and re-read the post and all stories about her, saw some pictures that are making me cry even now... my skin crawled and I cringed trying to delete the scene from my mind. Yes, I want to erase all that I cannot bear, all that I don't want to know is happening around me, all that I know can happen to any one of us. I don't want to face the reality that this happened and it happened in this country and in my state.
Why am I writing about this 3 months down the line after the incident? Because I live in a self-contained world, with my own 'problems' and am having a cushy life. And happened to read, in detail, about this girl only now.
And do I care? Quite honestly, I don't know.... but then again, maybe, I do. Because I cannot explain why else am I feeling an immense anger that makes me want to castrate those men, cut off their limbs and leave them for dying. And also a terrible helplessness... for being who I am- a woman, who can be vulnerable at all times, never mind the fact who she is or how well-connected in society she is. Also not knowing what to do really.
Above all, I am ashamed...for being part of a country that on one hand worships forms of women and on the other massacres their very being, for living in a society that allows these men to scott-free by hushing the case and destroying the evidence. For being part of the brigade that beyond feeling shocked, angered and sad, will not spend more time than necessary on Priyanka.
And if this sounds like a confused post, it is.... because I don't know what I am feeling, where I stand and who I am anymore.